he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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