Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
