morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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