Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You did what with his pubic hair?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
