u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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