you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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