Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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