i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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