Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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