the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
