I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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