she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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