There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She told me I should be a condom model.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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