I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I cut my penus on the lid.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
