if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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