Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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