Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
