god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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