It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
