mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
