They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
