I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
