At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
