I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
