Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
