D3 body, D1 cock
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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