Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
