Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
