she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
