dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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