Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i now understand why vodka
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