I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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