This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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