Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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