her vagine was all disorganized.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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