I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
