I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
