You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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