i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
In America we eat man semen.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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