yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
