I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
