People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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