i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
