im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
