Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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