Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
