Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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