i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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