I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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