This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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