Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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