then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
