i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
