Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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