You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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