the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
