she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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