No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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